woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
