just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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