He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
