I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
