If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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