Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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