But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Someone signed my nipple.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
