I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
