Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Enjoy the penises
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
