How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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