who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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