why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
