You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
