I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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