Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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