i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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