There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
