Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
