I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
