Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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