Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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