Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
