i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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