This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
