I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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