for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
