I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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