so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
