Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
