It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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