well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can I color on your dick again?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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