yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i think i have herpe
just one?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
