Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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