not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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