I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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