His pubic hair was longer than his dick
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
