what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
