So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
