I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
