mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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