We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
