How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
