i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
