They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
