drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
