She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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