I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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