First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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