Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
