it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
