You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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